An interesting conversation

I had an interesting conversation today with one of my old pals. I knew her from my childhood and we grew up playing together during those sweet childhood days. Just wanted to put some part of the conversation:

PS: Aur have you found your loved one???

Me: Loved One??? J Wo kya hota hai?

PS: Are baba koi aayi hai kya?

Me: Nahi coz jinhe aane diya tha wo unfortunately aaye nahi aur recently jo aana chahte the unhe maine aane nahi diya hai, frankly I am tired of this fucking game yaar.

PS: I mean special person

Me: Special person??? The definitions have completely changed for me. If you mean life partner then nopes have not thought about it yet. Nobody special coz now a days I love to be single.

PS: Why so?

Me: First of all have been through this love n all that and frankly the kind of person I am I take commitments pretty seriously and that too I would love to get committed to such a girl to whom I am attracted to and whom I like and know for quite sometime. There are a few girls of course whom I like but there is none whom I like and can say I know her pretty well. Secondly I avoid responsibilities now a days, girlfriend seems like an additional responsibility I mean mostly agar sawal jawab karna pada like kahan ho, kahan gaye the, kiske sath gaye the, kyun gaye the n all that.

(I myself was at one point of time like this kind but yeah have learnt from my mistakes and seriously hate this extra possessiveness these days, I mean there should be that trust factor beyond questions. I seriously liked a girl and even conveyed the same to her as I know she is really this kind, she is caring, loving and is strongly attached to people but never shows this extra thing in her approach, but as a matter of fact when I told her about my feelings she was already dating a guy for a months time and she was surprised why did I not tell her beforehand!!! Life can never be so sucking like this!!! Sigh).

PS: Are kisi ko to aane do na……..

(I smell danger with these lines as thoughts like she is trying to create space for her start coming to my mind, I have such past experiences hence!!!)

Me: He heh nahi yaar sahi me aise hi bohat achchha hun…..

(meant no thanks for your offer…)

PS: Kyon?????

Me: Ummm…yaar I am going through the phase where I need to climb the ladder of my career to its peak. I myself have taken added responsibilities to enhance the quality of my work experience and to move faster and have been doing quite well (this is a fact). With such added responsibilities its difficult for me to devote quality time for someone after devoting time for my parents who are currently residing with me and my other friends like you. So its better na k I have precious friends like you. Great buddies with whom I can share things, who are close to me and understand me, who care for me and I too care for them.

PS (after a pause and searching for a fitting reply): Hmmmm……..so to hai, thanks for trusting me.

Me: Friends love you unconditionally, koi jhanjhat hi nahi hai yaar GF ki, faltu ka life me tension kaun le

(btw my ex girlfriend used to give me a lot of tensions, screwed up my first year of PGDM for which I now make myself responsible as I feel I should not have been so emotionally unstable during that time).

Me (continuing my lecture): Another thing never repent for any moment of life where you had enjoyed your time. Even if it makes you feel like repenting at sometime in future never do that because when actually you lived those moments you were happy. Mostly jo waqt life me hum apne marji se gujarte hain aur jin palon se hame us waqt khushi mili hoti hai unpe baad me repent kyun karna!!!

PS: Hmmm……ne wyz hey it is dinner time. Will call you tomorrow and talk!!!

Me: (man hi man Jaan chhuti, thanks for not taking this further) Okies bbye, take care.

Just to make one confession after falling in love twice and having been infatuated and attaracted to so many girls at some or other phase of my life I believe this is a pretty normal phenomena. Gone are those days when I firmly used to believe on fundas like we fall in love only once in life. I have got it is all bullshit, crap. I have already written a huge post on love and seriously do not want to repeat those words again here but yeah I personally have started taking things in a broader sense of terminologies, my mind is pretty open about sex, love and other topics. Never have felt this kind of matured as I feel today. And seriously this feeling makes me happy.

Back with a bang!!!

Heya I am back again. It is been a long time I have posted something here. Ideally I do not take that much of time but thanks to hectic schedule and relocation blues I attained a milestone of not updating my blog for such a pretty long time. A lot of things happened in between. Will try and write them chronologically:

1. My parents arrived to stay with me. I was glad to have them here. It was one of my wishes to stay with my parents after I get posted permanently at a place.
2. A new project got initiated at my workplace. A special project for providing the customers the utmost satisfaction we can provide and this project ended up unsatisfying me. Mostly because it demanded tireless days of work and working even on saturdays and sometimes sundays even.
3. I was comfortably located at Hyderabad and all of a sudden my boss tells me in the mid of August to get relocate to Bangalore. This is a reward I got for minimizing the customer issues and getting big big certificates from the customers for my good work. No I do like Bangalore, it is one of my favorite cities but I really was not prepared for this change at this point of time.
4. In between this transition phase when I am at Bangalore and parents stayed back at Hyderabad, my father met with an accident. He got a head injury and 6 stitches on the back of head. Thankfully all the reports were normal but it was damn scary. I rushed back immediately to Hyderabad by the first flight available after this incident occurred but I really got a cold spine to see my dad not able to get up properly and not being able to determine the directions.
5. After the initial recovery of my dad we permanently shifted to Bangalore. I got a company provided apartment. This is awesome, large, spacious 2 BHK flat with complete privacy and little away from the main city (this was desired by me, I love to leave the city life and chaos behind when I head for home).
6. I got nastier accounts to handle at my workplace. My boss is very helpful and has complete faith on me that I will be able to clean all the issues but at times things get scary. Thanks to my Boss' encouragement and help at each single step I have started gaining a grip slowly but surely. The worst part of this new responsibility: Getting less time to devote to parents, lesser time to catch up with precious friends and least time to blog!!!

So with all these happening in my life my blog got a delayed update. No this is not an excuse this is a fact. Any ways will try to update my blog more often. I wish some good surprises should happen in my life (like getting a award at workplace, knowing that any girl whom I like is willing to come for a date, getting a holiday to go back to Kolkata and so on). To cut it down: WISHES ARE UNLIMITED!!!

Mit raha mera Junoon!!!!!!

Haan thak gaya hun tutkar,
Baitha hun kisse ruthkar?
Khwabon ko bechne aaye jo,
Wo chal diye mujhe lootkar.

Tute khwabon ka karwa,
Bas hai sang ab mere yahan,
Jinki chahaton me tha baha,
Jane wo sab kho gaye kahan.

Tuti himmat ko sametkar,
Uth bhi jo jaun main agar,
Ud na paunga fir kabhi,
Tute hain mere dono par.

Hai koi jisse pyaar ho?
Jise mujhse hi ikraar ho?
Ho mujhpe hi bharosa use,
Usipe jaan yeh nisaar ho?

Jo mitade har tanhaiyan?
Ho na fasle aur na duriyan,
Jindagibhar jo mera sath de,
Banke meri parchhaiyan?

Is soch par main has raha,
Andhere me fir bas raha,
Ek ghutan si hai jo seene me
Gham me main fir se dhas raha

Haan Main akela kal bhi tha,
Haan Main akela aaj hun,
Na ummeed to yeh dil nahi,
Par mit raha mera junoon
Haan mit raha mera junoon!!!!!

Whats wrong with NDTV Imagine?????? And what is wrong with Indians????

It was 9.30 at night today when I switched on the TV. After watching a little of MTV Teen Diva I started switching the channels. Every bloody channel was showing some or other serial. Well I understood this time is not right time for us to watch family channels (I really do not know what to watch on those family channels like Star Plus, Sony....I just hate them). And then I came across NDTV Imagine and got a nice topic to F**k the running show.

The show that was running was "Rakhi ka Swayamvar" :-O More surprisingly today was the first episode.


There were 16 idiots from different part of India who have come to the show with a common wish: Marrying Rakhi Sawant (I feel nauseated with the thought of marrying her Yuck!!!). These buggers belong to good family, some are businessmen, one was a police officer, one came down right from Canada to marry her (Lollllzzzzzzzzz, i seriously pity him), one was advocate, there was one sales manager also (I guess the company he was working with might have given him a 3 month notice and he seriously is not able to find another job, because of which he has got insane and has come over here :-D). All of them were trying for some chance to talk to Rakhi and impress her. Those who will impress her will stay and will undergo several tasks to prove their love and then GOD ONLY KNOWS HOW THIS SHOW WILL END BECAUSE I COULD NOT BEAR IT ANY MORE AND CHANGED IT.


The only question came in my mind is: Who could be the target audience of such a nonsense? Watching Saas Bahu serials by Indian homemakers is also believable. I can even believe running of some stupid reality shows, children who can hardly speak words singing to be Mummy k superstars but this one???? This is SICK!!! This is a mockery of the the mental growth of Indians!!!!!! The show where 16 good for nothing rascals fight/compete for the infamous Rakhi!!!


All that I can say: I never felt so low about Indian television media and the "Indian Audience" who see these shows!!! I mean Indian Television HAVE A LIFE!!! Please stop such nonsense that creates a doubt in the mind of people who think a doubt that speaks loudly: Is this a mockery of ignited minds of India or really Indian Television has sank so low?


Indian Audience: Please have a better life. Avoid watching these shows. It was you who once watched quality shows like Bharat ek Khoj, Surabhi, Humlog, Meri Aawaz Suno, Circus, Malgudi Days epics like Mahabharat and Ramayan and what not!!! Please do not degrade your standards. You are certainly not worth it!!!!!

This one is for you God

Dearest God,

I hope you remember me. I am the same guy whom you sent in this earth on 1st of September 1983. I guess that was the birthday of Lord Krishna. My parents were the happiest that day and everybody in my family greeted me with loads of good wishes, love, care and loads of affection. I was mischievous from the day I started to hop. My family used to compare me with Lord Krishna during my childhood days. But as I grew up they realized I am not.

God I used to be a Mamma’s boy during my entire childhood. I used to be an obedient son. I used to be a brilliant guy in school. I had good qualities that helped me to excel in recitations, elocutions; yes I was a brilliant singer. Those were really nice days. The best thing was I was innocent. I never knew the complications of this world. I was happy.

Then some changes started happening within my mind. Suddenly I started feeling that I should have an opinion of mine rather than always obeying my parents. I started doing things at my own way. Most of the times I failed miserably and those instances wherever I succeeded seem like a failure today because somewhere I hurt my parents. I used to think I am growing up but actually I was not. It was arrogance, it was the willingness to go against my parents that compelled me, drove me towards all such acts.

But one best thing that was still with me was my parents blessings for which I excelled in whatever I did. Whenever I committed any mistake my parents were there to pray for me and you kept on showering your blessings on my virtuous parents. Being a part of them I also enjoyed your blessings god. Thank you for that.

I have made many people cry in this world. Yeah sometimes intentionally but most of the times unintentionally. But the bottom-line is I have made many people cry. I have made my parents cry for some of my attitudinal changes and at times because of my rough behavior. But still I was lucky that time. I got a wonderful lady in my life whom I loved like anything but again I lost her somewhere in the race of time. I was bad with her also at times, I do admit that but still my luck favored me.

Then came blankness in my life. I had to stay away from parents for years (still I am away from them) to realize how much they mean to me. I repented for each and every action where I made my parents worry and made them sad. I guess my repentance is not yet over as inspite of trying my best I am not able to stay with them. Really feels bad for the only kid of his parents. I realized my faults and made myself a better person in every aspect. But the end result? My life now lacked your blessings. Yes God, my parents still bless me because they love me, because I am a part of them but I do lack your blessings.

Thank you for everything God. I am alone today in a place where nobody cares for me. Yeah I miss my parents, I wish I am loved once again by a girl, I dream for a better life and a brighter future. Yeah I am happy with all my success professionally, I am happy in most of the facets of my life but still I lack something that creates emptiness in my life. I laugh now a day when I think of my childhood days when every other family member mistook me as a DESTINY’S CHILD.

I will not ask anything from you God rather thank you for all that I have got in life. Yeah few things if happen in a right way will definitely make my life complete but again some incompleteness makes me aware that I lack some special people in my life. At the end I still wish I am with my parents, I wish I am loved by a girl once and for all but I also know I will get what I deserve not what I desire. Thank you God, thank you for everything.

Yours,
S---------- (Zorroan)

A poem in tribute to falsehood

This poem is written as a tribute to all the falsehoods i have faced till date in my life:

Jhut kehte hain is duniya me ye log,
Jhuti ummeedon ko jagate hain yeh log,
Kisi baat ko saaf saaf nahi kehte,
Aur is dil ko jalate hain yeh log.

Jhuton ka silsila shuru to ho jata hai,
Jhut se jhut ka sath nibhate hain yeh log,
Fark nahi padta kisi k ehsaas ka,
Bas is dil ko jalate hain yeh log.

Apne ko apno se chheen lete hain,
Dusron ko apna banane me yeh log,
Aur jis din sach ka ehsaaas ho jata hai,
Sirf is dil ko jalate hain yeh log.

Seekh kar bhi seekhne nahi dete,
Jhuton ka sahara fir de dete hain yeh log,
Fir ek din sach ko karke nanga,
Haan is dil ko jalate hain yeh log

I cannot defy my roots!!!

Today I was amused to see a mail in the inbox of my Facebook profile. It was sent by some asshole name Balaji Rao (I really do not know who the fuck is he, possibly was in the same school I studied but do not remember him). The abuse is intentional here because of the content of the mail. This is what was written:

Hey Zorroan!!! (I replaced my name with Zorroan)
Kya yaar suna hai k tu bada aadmi ban gaya hai!
Sale bohat masti hai tereme nahi, kaafi masti kar raha hai!
Have heard many funny things about you.
Kitne ladkiyon k sath soya hai be?
Saw your girlfriend recently do not know whether she has become your ex already or not.
Keep in touch.
Bye

For a second I was complete blank. The way this fucker has written this mail is highly unlike me. Yeah I have studied hard and finished my PGDM from one of the topmost B Schools of India. I am well paid and try to fulfill all my dreams. I work for a respectable company and feel I am a responsible citizen of India. I have many friends irrespective of whether they are girls or boys because I don't differentiate between genders. I had a girlfriend but broke off couple of years ago. This all is true but how many girls I have slept with? What does this bastard think of me huh? It was really disgusting.

I wish he was here right now. Would have loved to kick his ass so badly that he would not have ever dared to write filthy things about me.

Then I realized it is not related to this bastard only. This is related to the kind of environment we had in our school days. I studied in Kendriya Vidyalaya in a suburban area of Orissa. During my school days if your are seen spending some time with girls you are gone. The filthy animals (there are quite a few in every class and section) only believed there can only be dirty things between a boy and a girl. I do not deny there were good students (after all I was not the only decent guy studying over there right?) but some rotten apples make a basketful of rotten apples. Touching a girl was a sin! (Sigh, till date I find it amusing what kind of mentality these people had). Till date there are many classmates of mine who find it difficult to believe there can exist a healthy relationship between boys and girls.

I felt like laughing. Places have changed. This bastard Balaji Rao must have gone different places to pursue his studies. He might have met many people in his journey. But nothing could bring any change in this filthy mind. J

Another thing, poking in others business was another trademark of some fellow filthy mates in my school. I doubt these people inherit these qualities from their illiterate or less educated parents.

I consider myself to be lucky to be born in a very highly educated family. A family where self respect is given priority over money, a family where a father can easily kick the ass of his child and throw him away from house if he finds his child guilty of something that cannot be forgiven, a family where despite being the only kid I have never had a pampered upbringing, a family where a child is punished before other children by his parents if found guilty of something.

At last I pity on these few lesser developed mortals who were educated in the same school where I got educated. It is not related to the place rather to the mentality of people residing over there. Unless they strive to make their lives better and stop poking in other lives they can never develop, neither will their way of thinking develop ever!!!!!