Patience is the word!!!!!

People who are there in corporate world can very well relate to the word: Patience!!!! Those who have stayed in Mumbai or are staying in the city can relate to it more than others. The reason for which this topic came to my mind is:
1. I personally am quite impatient. In a 5 point scale I feel I would rate myself somewhere around 2.
2. There are several factors around me that are making me even more impatient now a days.
Now about Patience I guess it's somewhere related to time. Patience as per my understanding is that amount of time you can hold on yourself and when get stretched after that period you tend to show your emotions irrespective of place, surrounding and people you are accompanied with. Being a physics student I can very well relate it to the theory of elasticity of fluids. A wire gets stretched till the breakdown point when it crosses its elastic limit, a rigid body gets expanded till the time it starts breaking and so on. Basically its a relationship between stress and strain which can be easily related in our daily lives also.
The amount of stress a person can handle generally depends of his mental state, physical state and the environmental state he is in (basically the kind of surrounding he is in at that moment when he breaks down). Similarly the amount to which he can strain himself also depends on these factors. But then I see there is something more than that which also governs the amount of patience a person has. I find it difficult to describe (it is something inherent, something withing us that actually decides the base time till which a person can hold which gets increased or decreased with the action of the other three factors mentioned above). I get tempted to relate it with the constant YOUNG'S MODULUS or the SHEAR MODULUS or the BULK MODULUS as the case is when it comes to Physics. At this moment I checked Wikipedia and got more confused when I found complicated relationships among all these ratios. :-)
One more interesting thing I knew is that these constants can be zero for INVISCID FLUIDS which can't support shear stress, but when it comes to human beings I believe there can be minimum amount of stress that all of us can handle which implies that this "inherited constant factor" within us can never be Zero.
How to increase Patience? Well I have done too little research to comment on that. But I believe a sound mind, a sound body and a healthy surrounding can definitely enhance your limits of patience. I hear people with opinions like practicing yoga (it helps, I have witnessed), Laughter therapy, balanced diet, clean and hygiene environment and other general and complicated therapies to enhance patience!!!!!
Now coming to my case (the basic reason why I started writing so much of gyan on this subject here) currently I am staying with some of my old school friends. Friends are nice but the kind of hygiene and cleanliness they maintain frankly speaking I am finding it difficult to adjust with that (but I console myself telling that I am here only for few days) and the work pressure though is manageable but is made hectic due to several factors (every other day filling up new formats of excel sheets that I myself find difficult to decipher for the same thing and same reason, PHEW!!! and getting non existent targets to name a few). And the result is I start getting annoyed on different people for different reasons, get agitated and disturbed as thoughts like I am not performing to my complete efficiency keep on coming and the result is: Patience level is getting a hit and getting tensed and disturbed even for trivial matters.
I wrote this blog only for myself because I need to hold myself at this moment and relax a little bit, prioritise things and do them accordingly and I must keep my cool even at the times of crisis. I will feel good if people can relate some instances in their life after going through this blog and can understand the priorities and actions needed to be done by them to be a more patient than they are now.
Finally I think these lines are apt to be the ending lines of this blog (this was told to me by one of my closest friends here in this organization, AV): Zorroan, being patient does not mean being emotionless or reaction less to situations but it means you being the last person to break down among all those who are in that particular situation!!!!!!
Comments awaited!!!!!

Thoughts on Mumbai Attacks - 2

Have tried to convey my displeasure to the limit I can through yesterday's blog. Here just wanted to rewrite the final edited version of the small poetry composed by me yesterday (the original first draft is there in previous blog):

Bohat daraya tumne humko,
Thoda hame bhi mauka to do,
Ruh tak tumhe hila ke rakh den,
Uthayen hath shamsheer ye jo!!!!
Waqt ab hame de rahi izazat,
Veeron ki salaami tak na ruko,
Havi na ho koi Videshi takat,
LADO, MARO par kabhi na JHUKO!!!

Thoughts on Mumbai Attacks!!!!

I see people with status messages: SALUTE TO OUR HEROES!!! It's an irony that my hands are not getting raised to salute these heroes. Whenever I think of saluting these brave mortals who fought till death to bring back normal life in Mumbai I remember a fact that we don't learn from historical mistakes - Never learnt from Kargil, never learnt from N number of bomb blasts that occurred in this country........time passes gently down and people gradually forget the names of our brave soldiers who fought till the last drop of their blood.....only 2 things will remain intact: Memories of this mishap and our old habit of not taking lessons from mistakes!!!!

Salute to our brave soldiers!!!! What the hell is happening around? Have we conquered any new place like the Pakistanis did when the acquired a part of Kashmir for which we are still NEGOTIATING (pun intended) with lost hopes of getting it back someday!!!! Have we contributed in making any third world nation free from the tyranny and dependency upon the first world nation tyrants? When this questions arise the answer I get is a BIG AND LOUD NO!!!!

This is our soil that is invaded, our soil where people from any country come at their will (they have a luxury to even choose the paths! Sigh) and kill the STUPID COMMON PEOPLE OF INDIA. We loose lives, those brave soldiers fight till the end of their last drop of stamina and courage only to see these incidents happening again and again and again? And some intellectuals and bloody thinkers like me write a column or two for these hineous acts of some merciless creatures. And those who cannot even do this will discuss and discuss and discuss till time helps their memories to fade away.

The point I want to make is not that WE SHOULD NOT SALUTE SOLDIERS!!! We should praise and salute their bravery but the fact that is keeping on coming to my mind is for how long will we will just shed some tears, salute our brave soldiers, criticize these mishaps and do nothing CONCRETE?

I guess its time to reply as harsh as we can to these bloody terrorists so that there does not arise another mishap after which we again will shed some tears, salute our brave soldiers, criticize these mishaps and do nothing Concrete!!!!

Bahut daraya tumne humko,

Thoda hame bhi mauka do,

Ruh tak tumko hila den,

Uthayen hum Shamsheer jo!!!!

Waqt de rahi hai izazat,

Salami par hi mat ruko,

Havi na ho videshi takat,

Kabhi dobara na jhuko!!!

From this place the choice is ours regarding where we want to stand in future. Will it be a repetition of the same bad old habit of not taking lessons from mistakes or we change ourselves to see that these undesirable incidents does not happen ever in India or at least, even if some people still dare to they get a equally gory reply. Its time to kill those bastards who kill us and convey the message: Bach gaye to khair manao, pakde gaye to.........(they are intelligent enough to understand the unwritten words).

Somebody please tell government to do things fast else I really fear that day when the Stupid Common People of India will awake and create many Wednesdays in life!!!!!

Movies with Good Concept vs. Movies with Bad Concept

In this entry I will comment about 2 recent movies one that made me glued to the screen though there were some weird scenes and the other made me yawn as it had even more weird scenes!!!!!

Before you people raise your eyebrows with curiosity let me explain. These two moives are: Heroes and Dostana respectively. Heroes had a huge starcast but the major leads were lesser popular stars like Sohail Khan and Vatsal Seth. Concept wise the movie is one of the best made this year (better than a blockbuster called Jane tu ya jane na, yes guys there the concept was same old one, the presentation was one of its class!!!!). I loved the message that was intended to be delivered through the movie, err... do not know how many people got that right. When it comes to acting barring Deol brothers, everybody was so damn perfect. Even Sohail Khan who overdoes some scenes trying to make them funny did a perfect balanced act here. Some scenes of Salman Khan, Preity Zinta and Mithun Chakraborty were spine chilling (loved Mithun after Guru, in this role). One of the weak points in the movie was its songs. Apart from "Mannata" I did not find any other song to be a chartbuster one. But overall the movie was good and at least had some new kind of presentation of the armymen apart from those Indo Pak fight movies. The other movie that I can relate to present army men in a different picture in the background of fight is one of my favorite ones: LAKSHYA. That one also was concept wise brilliant, in fact to me Farhan Akhtar's best till date!!!! Though these movies can't be related as the message delivered are completely different.

People please whoever has not seen the movie please do see it. If you like a conceptually strong movie (even though the presentation was lacking at some places) this is the right one to watch. One more thing off late have you never been proud to be an Indian? Please do go and watch these movie. Also do you think we cannot do anything for a better India, we cannot make India strong and safe? Do you think this is the job of only the people who fight their life out for the protection of this country? Please go and watch this movie to prove yourself wrong!!!!!

Now coming to the other movie. Well its called Dostana (a superhit movie made under the same production house, mentored by late Mr. Yash Johar, the producer's father). I saw that movie a few days back in TV and today I watched the new version of Dostana (same banner, Mr. Karan Johar dared to produce the movie). I got interested because of two basic assumptions:

1. I guessed Kabhie Alvida Na Kehna was the ultimate disaster made by Dharma Productions and things can get better after that,

2. I read somewhere Karan Johar commenting he was jealous on the director of "Jab We Met" as because he thought this is the kind of movie he should make and why did the concept of that movie not click in his mind!!!!

After watching the movies I guess I have the answer:

1. Karan Johar can never make a "Jab we Met" in the locations like Miami, New York. This rich dude and dudette meet kind of concept and extravagant locations become too Jazzy and flashy for such a sweet movie like JWM. This is the reason Jab We Met reflects Indianism without much effort while Karan Johar has to put several song and dance sequences to imbibe Indianness in his movies (Vande Mataram and our National Anthem in K3G, Pretty Woman in KHNH, don't remember what he did in KANK to imbibe Indianism and this time a waste song like Desi Girl and a concept where a lady can keep a Gay couple with her but not two straight guys, PHEW!!!)

2. Mr. Johar's concepts are surely targeted keeping the NRIs in mind. I guess he wants a decent opening in New York and London along with getting a blockbuster tag in India also and works for that. The concepts are ultramodern, suave and some where he makes some mockery out of some sensitive issues (gays, extramarital affairs to name a few) and there is overflow of emotions (quite difficult to digest :-D) which gets difficult to relate.

In one word Mr. Johar needs to make a movie in India for Indians that has Indian flavor imbibed in it naturally to get something like JWM and to get something unlike KANK, Dostana etc. made in great locations but nothing Indian about them apart from the major leads. I guess movies like Dostana will only earn some revenue because of huge expectations and a great starcast. But a decent Indian movie will earn a better connect with India. The only movie I honestly appreciate made under your banner was KAL HO NA HO (though it was shot in New York)!!!!

So finally the battle goes on between movies with good concept and movies with bad concept. Both Heroes and Dostana could have been better. But conceptually Heroes stands apart from Dostana.

As the battle goes on the following results come out:

1. Movies with great concept like A Wednesday become a hit or a semihit

2. Movies with worse concept like Ramu Ki Aag becomes a flop

3. Movies with some good concept like Heroes does not do a good job

4. Movies with bad concept like Singh is Kinng and Dostana get a good opening though there is nothing much ado about them.

And finally the battle continues. Thanks to Aamir Khan for Taare Zameen Par and even more thanks to out great Indian audience to help it to get into the first category as stated above!!!! Looking forward some REALLY GOOD HINDI MOVIES to come up!!!!!!!

Confusions around me and misunderstandings around me!!!!!

Well to start with there are lots of people who have some or other complaints about me. One of my best friends in college waited for me last Sunday whole day and I did not turn up to meet him (no excuses but it was not unintentional). I just ask a simple question: Why the hell mobile phones are invented? Why has he kept a mobile phone when he does not know when and how to use it? He could have at least given me a missed call and I would have called him back stating the reasons why I would not have been able to turn up. At least his day would have been better. But nothing such happened and couple of days before I heard from his fiance about his unending wait on last Sunday!!!! I know he would have got pissed off anybody would have got but yet only one question arises in my mind: Why the hell did he not call me up to clarify things?????

Again this is a new place for me. I have quite a few school friends here too working in different IT companies. I generally never keep in touch with them neither do they. But because I have arrived in Hyderabad now they expect me to call them up and make them aware about my arrival. I called one of my pals and told him about my arrival. Holy shit the other 2 are angry why did I not call them up and informed about the same thing. Damn! they all stay together and where is the logic in informing all the 3 separately about my arrival @ Hyderabad?

There are similar kind of things happening around me. One thing I know I can never satisfy everybody and I never try out for them. But if people do not cooperate themselves about small issues and make a mountain out of a mole I really can't help. God save them and God save me from more misunderstandings and confusions!!!!!

Am I a good decision maker, am I not???

I wrote a lot of personal incidents initially in this blog, those which depict those verges of my life where I had to take an important decision. But then I gave a second thought and found out that it is not at all a good decision to write about my personal instances and making them public simply for 2 reasons:
1. Those who know me (my parents, my best friend and other close friends) they know almost everything about me and there is no need of a repetition.

2. Those who do not know about the personal issues of mine won't have much interest in knowing them either becasue I am a complete stranger to them and they have never read any epilogue or prologue about myself before knowing these personal issues and the decisions I took. The result being: Some unnecessary judgments (after knowing half of the story) and certainly I do not give a damn to those judgments :-)

It all started with a single thought of my shifting to Hyderabad from Mumbai and my mind went into flashbacks and I crossed a lot of instances where I had to take decisions that changed the direction of my life. Do they really count now?

Decisions are time perspective, case perspective and most important its person perspective. What I mean from the word person perspective is a decision that is taken by one person may not be the same when it comes to any other person taking a decision at that point of time in a particular case. What we feel is if there is a decision that is taken by most of the people under a particular situation at a particular time that becomes the best decision but the other decisions are also not to be undermined. The least taken decision becomes a case of failure, the decision that was taken by a few not understood by many gets reflected as a decision taken under the influence of AN OUT OF THE BOX THINKING.

So before asking this question to yourself please do see the position you are in now and how influencing the decisions about which you are thinking have contributed in making you able to be in this position where you have landed. If you find the decisions to have contributed in a positive manner (even if there are hundreds who feel the decisions were not good) feel proud that you are a good decision maker and have made quite a few decisions in life that have given some positive direction to your life. I know the statement is debatable but this reasoning along with the action of greatest good to greater number of people leads to harmony and lands you in a place where you can sound reasonable for your actions and decisions. Comments awaited.

Ankahi, ansuni

Kuchh batein jo ansuni si reh jati hain,
Kuchh batein jo ankahi si reh jati hain,
Khamosh wo palkein thirak thirak ke kuchh kehna chahen,
Par fir bhi ashk jo ankhon me hi reh jate hain.

Dil me hai josh naya umang naya magarr,
Jajbaton par ab unka nahi hota hai asar,
Hua hai kuchh is baat ka ehsaas to hai par,
Un baton ko suljha na sake hum bhi chahkar.

Vyarth koshishen aashaon k tod hain rahe,
Naye raahein bhi jane kyun muh mod hain rahe,
Ankahi wo batein aaj bhi kuchh na kahe,
Sukhe hain nain taki ashk aaj bhi na bahe.

Rahon me mile naye log aur nayi rahtein,
Bhul gaye purane sang purani chahtein,
Par fir bhi jab wo aaj bhi kuchh hai bolti,
Ankahi ansuni batein rokti muskurahatein.

Chahat ne dhundh li raah nayi ummeed bhi naye,
Bhul purani batein hum aage badh gaye,
Badal diya jajbaton ka rukh rote hum nahi,
Aate jate dinon ko khushiyon se jee hum rahe,

Fir se kisi purane ne ek din yaad kar,
Chintit kiya hame kya hoga iska asar?
Niklenge kya to baat jo kabhi na tha kaha?
Yaad aayenge kya ashk chale the jinko bhulkar?

Na hua kuchh aisa mujhme main reh gaya atal,
Keh di batein hamne hamse jo chubhte rahete the pal pal,
Kahin mujhe aram mila kahin uska dil dukha,
Kabhi to use sukun mila jab tuta mere khwabon ka mahal.

Kuchh gham mile kuchh khushiyan aur ek ehsaas hua
Chahte nata tuta ho ya bhula wo pichhla jo tha hua,
Aage badhne k raah me fir bhi thokar hun tab tak khate hain,
Jab tak ankahi baton ko kehke sukun hum nahi pate hain.

Ankahi baton ko kehne se man holka hota hai,
Ankahi baton ko sun dil aakhri aansu rota hai,
Bharmukt hokar hi fir hum jeete naya jeevan,
Aane wala har pal har kal fir sukhad hota hai.

Bag of mixed feelings!!!!!!

The week has been like a bag of mixed feelings. To start off I got my dream profile I requested for and will be staying for another 6 months in Mumbai. But frankly I was not feeling very comfortable with the people in that particular Marketing domain. There seemed to be those pun intended subtle one liners in English and supreme sophistication in this team something I can never relate with me. There was a bit of “ragging” (by telling I have to work till 11 at night, no weekends, I should not have girlfriends etc.) but at the end of it my leave application was approved which meant that for Diwali I am going home and will be joining the team after I come back seeing my near and dear ones.

Yesterday I watched the directorial debut of Naseeruddin Shah titled “Yun Hota to Kya Hota”. Another masterpiece I must say the movie has 4 stories running simultenously with one common destination America and one common mishap that will change everyone’s life. Great movie developed around the incident of 9/11. Of late I have become one of the biggest fans of Naseer Saab. I wish to meet him someday and looking forward to see some more great films from him either as an actor or through his directorial ventures.

A thing that has become a menace in my life of late is my credit card. This is the first time I am using it so it took some time for me to understand how the payment schedule works and now that I am well acquainted with it things are fine but the follies I committed in its usage before getting the feel to use it properly is killing me. Have taken a credit of around 28000 bucks (mostly air tickets to Bangalore, home and back to Mumbai and some more shopping) and have paid a sum of Rs.15000 already. The thing that is bugging me is I still have to pay around 17000 more which makes the tally to 32 grand which is 4 grand more than the amount I had borrowed. Only one thing that comes to my mind these days: I HATE USING CREDIT CARDS AND WILL NOT USE IT MUCH AFTERWARDS. For booking flight tickets its ok but for shopping? NEVER NEVER.

So this is how the week has been so far. The weekend is pretty quiet by choice as I did not feel like doing many things this weekend. Sometimes it’s good to take a hiatus from long weekend trips and spending time with yourself. For me it helps to realize my faults much better way and identify the good things I did and I want to do in near future. Yeah one more thing the lady I like very much is fine and has an important day coming up in her life just after 34 more days. God bless her and in the ending note GOD BLESS ALL.

Movie Critics: Welcome to Sajjanpur

Shyam Benegal is one of the master directors of India who have always carved a name for creating something meaningful, something thought provoking and something that is far more than those nonsense movies that take our 2 and a half hours but at the end of it we feel it was not worth spending that much amount of time.

"Welcome to Sajjanpur" is essentially a comedy movie that laughs loud on the daily life of a village, the superstitions that are still there and in the course it narrates a beautiful story of many lives of a villages intangled someway or the other. The picture of an Indian village is so well portrayed in this movie, a trademark of Mr. Benegal in all his movies and at the same time there are quite a few incidents that actually tell you about the primitive mentality of the Indian villagers which is still there very much. A eunuch cannot stand in elections, a lady is forced to marry a dog only to cure her fate, 2 lovers were hanged to death just because the lady was a widow and the man showed courage to marry her again. Then there was a villian (a proper gunda) who was the previous sarpanch and has enough manpower to scare away the people of the village. The movie does not only allow you to laugh your heart out it also allows you to use your intellect to think about the conditions and relate them with the circumstances that you might have witnessed had you been ever to a village. The movie forces you to think about the future of Indian villages and forces you to believe that development is much more than a Grameen Sadak Pariyojna, setting up of hospitals or providing electricity in all the villages which is not there for 23 hours (people are lucky if they find electricity for an hour a day).

Brilliant performances by Shreyash Talpade, Amrita Rao and Divya Dutta. Ila Arun is already a well established actress who can portray any kind of character in movies. Ravi Kishen came as a surprise package while Rajeshwari Sachdeva stole the show in the particular Letter Reading scene. Kunal Kapoor is good in that short cameo. I wish this talented guy gets some more substantial roles in movies to exploit his talent and show it to the world.

A brilliant comedy which had not vulgarity. Remainded me of those times when Hrishikesh Mukherjee used to make brilliant movies like Chupke Chupke or Golmal which were sarcastic at times, funny on the other times. Last but not the least : Thank You Mr. Benegal for gifting a brilliant comedy sans any cheap dialogues or vulgarly humourous visuals!!!!

Ajeeb daastan hai yeh

Daastan ajeeb hi hote hain, Shuru hokar khatam bhi hote hain,
Kyun inse gaane banate hain,,Kyun sabhi aaj bhi gate hain,
K ajeeb dastan hai yeh, kahan hai shuru kahan hai khatam,
Yeh manjilen hain kaun si, na tum samajh sako aur na hum,
Har koi yahan hai alag alag unki manjil bhi hai alag alag,
Jano bas khud ki manjil ko, pehchano uska har ek pag,
Dusron ki manjilon ko tum kyun yun vyarth samajhne jate ho,
Wo dukhate hain tumhara dil, tum dhang se ro bhi nahi pate ho,
Bin mehnat k kuchh bhi jo mile mol unka samajh nahi pate hain,
Ghar k karele taaze hain par bahar se kharidke hi khate hain.
Banto tum pyaar bas unko jo mahatva tumhara samajhte hain,
Unka kya ho hain mahatvaheen jo khud hi khud se ulajhte hain.
Maine bhi kahin kisi mod pe apno ka dil jaroor dukhaya hai,
Tabhi maine jinhe mana tha apna unse bas gham hi paaya hai.
Waqt waise hi beet ta hai jaise tum jaise use bitate ho,
Durghatna se hai der bhali yeh tum sab bhul kyun jate ho,
Uncha karke sar mango maafi jinka dil tumne dukhaya hai,
Par bas unse hi jinko tumne kisi mod pe apna paaya hai,
Socho tum bhala har insaan ka un sabme tum bhi shamil ho,
Mat karwao ehsaas kisiko unhe khud ehsaas yeh karne do,
Jeewan me jab har ek insan karmon ko samajhta jayega,
Khush hoga achchhe karmo par, galatiyan fir nahi duhrayega.
Na honge wo dastan fir ajeeb, shuru honge par na honge khatam,
Pehchanenge hum sab apno ko, samjhenge manjilon ko tum aur hum.

From the heart of an ardent fan of FasTrack watches!!!

I come across people who aspire to have a Rolex, an Omega or a Mont Blanc. I have known many people who boast having never tried an Indian brand of watches (all that they possess are Swatch (most common), Rado, Foce, Citizen, Police, Tommy Hilfiger, Espirit and many other not able to recall at this moment). I wonder why these people never have a look towards the very Indian watchmaking company TITAN. Somehow I find all the TITAN products very nice and its one of the most liked brand of mine and when people talk about sub brands of it I die for FasTrack watches and eye gears.

This monday I purchased my third FasTrack watch (eventually the third watch after I joined this company). Somehow most of the designs of this particular brand looks very cool and perfect for me. I have an allergy with leather bands so it is automatically out of my preferences. The remaining ones are those watches that come with fibre bands or metal bands. Again while coming down to metal bands most of the watch making companies make those watches that come with a loose fit on your wrist and keeps on rotating throughout the day (Gosh! I get so irritated with it, have such a watch but really don't like to wear it much). And among the fibre straps I already possess 2 FasTracks with such straps.

So going by the marketing fundas if I zero down on the kind of product I was looking for it was a big square dialed watch with metal strap but having a firm fitting on my broad wrists. I looked into the brands of Espirit and Tommy Hilfiger for the first time in search of such a kind of watch but alas my expectations were not met there. So finally I visited World of Titan once again looking for a watch with desired features and found an amazing FasTrack watch waiting for me. :)

Well people who are blindsided by all those big foreign brands do visit a Titan showroom and have a look across all the models of various brands. I guess India has come of an age in manufacturing watches and our watches can withstand competition even globally. But again for that we Indians should have a belief in our products isn't it? Well Titan can keep this certificate of mine as the feedback of a satisfied customer and can offer me a job in branding or advertising profile for their free and good publicity. :-D

I walk ALONE by choice!!!

Whenever I try to remain happy don’t know what problem people have. Well its not right to blame people rather I guess time has come to confront the Almighty regarding this matter. Well dear God what problem do you have? Whenever I see a ray of light why everytime it’s lost even before I can see the path and destination properly? And then there are some so shitty people who do the wrong things, touch the wrong nerves of mine and yet expect to be respected and loved. Damn them. These b****rds are just so self centered. These people prefer to make decisions for others, try to impose them, are so ready to find out the fault in you and the worst part they just forget to look at the dirt in their own collars. May be I am getting too loud and ruthless in taking out the anger.

Then there is an angel. She has been so nice to me and somewhere when I try to do some good to her I unknowingly keep irritating her. She never admits that though. Holy shit what’s going on around me? Why the bloody useless heart of mine does not understand all are not destined to get love in this world???? Too bad for me it seems. Things are getting clumsier. Well why the hell I not understand that enough is enough. I just hate myself for irritating her. Damn me. Had I not tried to provide such vivid explanations nothing would have been wrong. Though I feel I have not committed any mistake but yes I should not have done that also. So that’s it. Its better I keep myself in an indefinite isolation. The alone you are the complete you are because it gets into a habit for a person like me who is the only kid of parents, moreover I do believe firmly having loved somebody if I have not got her in life its better to be alone. At least its better as I won’t be running from this truth that I am alone. So in short life is completely screwed up in all aspects. And this time I choose not to follow any ray of light any more only to loose it again at some point further in life!!!!!!!!

My life and words unsaid to all - Season 2 and final sesason

I met her. She met me. I tried to be happy. She also tried to be happy. I tried to behave normally. But she could not do that. With every passing moment I felt like neglected, deserted. The more I was with her this feeling went on creeping inside me giving me a chilled spine. The emptiness inside my heart was killing me like anything and I was just so helpless!

This is the synopsis of what happened in a meeting of one and half hour in the mall. I had just met SP in Forum and was beaming with happiness, the happiness of meeting someone you wanted to meet for so many days, whom you have not seen for more than 3 years and the happiness to find she is the same pretty girl with such gleeful and glib talking as she was 3 years ago when I met her in IMS (though the interaction with SP was very less during those days). I went to Oasis thinking that I won’t behave anything different from the way I used to be when I was just a friend of SA and did that too. The initial half an hour was so good with all that general talks and then as the conversation went to greater heights and shifted to those softer and “never discussed properly” kind of topics the situation worsened. SA started behaving as if she is not able to hear my questions (read indifferent) and suddenly there was some sort of health problem which happened to her because of which we was not feeling well (this problem happened after I drifted the topic from general stuffs). Never did she ever speak the bitter truths and discuss her problems with me frankly during our days of togetherness nor did she do that this time also. She always gifted me with a sense of guilt even for those mistakes I had never committed and she maintained that yesterday. So there I was so right in telling her that: She has not changed.

The discovery of the fact that whatever we talk and whatever we do is informed to MKP with such swiftness and agility made me numb. Gosh I could not believe that she even informed him that I had reached Oasis mall before coming to meet me and was providing him with a live commentary from time to time.

So what did I get after meeting her? A heavy heart, wet and tearful eyes and a bad mood is what I could gather after meeting her yesterday. But yes there was one thing that I realized for which I wanted to thank her. It is like this:

My heart was once broken. I SUCCUMBED yet SURVIVED. I put a lot of effort to gather back my courage, hope, optimism, confidence and made my way through those worse days of my life at TAPMI in second year. And all these I did alone with some precious help from my dearest pals: Dentist, Stun the Sun and Jalim and yes last but definitely not the least a special friend whom I met during February. I LEARNT what it means to move ahead and even thought of finding a girl who will be always with me and I will be hers forever with a hope that everything will go RIGHT this time.

But yesterday I realized that for once I survived the blow and the pain of being neglected and deserted but if any day again history repeats I won’t be able to put that much effort for my survival. Precisely it will be very difficult for me to be my normal self if again a girl makes me feel neglected or deserted because this Zorroan does not have that much courage to face life after another betrayal or a harsh NO from any other girl.

It feels like Love is CRAP and I would love to thank SA for that. I feel like that today as the lady you love does not tell a yes and the ladies who love you are not able to hear a yes from you. At the end it just becomes a Vicious Circle. Would like to get some comments on the aforesaid statement.

Diplomats and shrewdness - a deadly combination

They tried their level best to convince me that I had so many things that are needed to be improved in life. They used me for bridging their own differences and coming closer. These b**tards never even gave a thought to the poor R who was heartbroken and wanted to make up everything even for those mistakes that were never done by him. What meant to them is their togetherness and their ability to convince each other in a silent way that they need each other and support each other.

When matters come to diplomacy I too sometimes behave as a diplomat but my diplomacy never harms any one. They tell I talk a lot about me, every topic is centered around me only. I tell them common man tell me something new, something fresh that I don't know about myself. I know how I am and whatever I have done in my life I am proud of it. How much do these asses know about me to comment on the things I need to change and the things I need to learn. Among the two one deceives guys and gets her work done as done with R and the other, "the jackass" thinks he is the biggest diplomat in this world and people are not so clever as he is. In between that they forget just one thing we also possess a little amount of brain.

Well whatever I told to D I never regret. She is a b***h and she deserved that. The only thing I regret is that everyday my mother preaches me to be a better human being at the end of that day. By shouting at a woman (if I can call that b***h a woman) I only showed the bad side of a male dominated society and when I myself don't believe in that I should not have shouted. Apart from that I firmly believe she deserved this because the way she always talked to me. It is told that: "Give and take respect". Only if you cannot give respect you should not even expect either of getting some respect from people.

There is a fine line of difference between these two buggers and myself. Well they keep on telling others how bad people are about those who mean no business for them. But even if I stopped respecting AV from the day he showed his meanness and bias towards D I never showed him openly. But friday night was just the limit I could have tolerated such response from that b***h.

At the end of the day I have not lost anything but gained some better friends at the expense of some useless diplomats. These people can never be anyone's friend as they are always driven by their own interests, money and opportunity. I know several instances where AV actually tried to trick me out using such diplomatic strategies but finally he failed. I would have killed him had he told anything more about my upbringing or hinted any more about my parents. Its good for him that he stopped right there. Any ways I think they don't deserve so much place in my precious blog so better stop this topic RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. After all this was destined to happen as the respectometer (my self coined term for understanding how much you respect people) read zero for them. And with passing time the needle of respectometer will only show negative scores for such filthy animals.

Monsoon Wedding - Better late than never!!!

Yes yes hold on. I remember something significant done this week. I watch the movie Monsoon Wedding. I know I am late but still could not resist myself from giving a praise to the movie and Mira Nair for making such a splendid movie. Naseeruddin Shah was impeccable, so was Lilette Dube and Shefali Shah. Surprisingly I never knew that Randeep Huda has done any movie before appearing in RGV’s D. I liked Neha Dubey. She was hot and suited well to her role. The main leads (if they can be called as its their marriage in the movie) Vasundhara Das and Parveen Dabas were also good. Overall a splendid movie and worth watching it. Guess ToI should have given a 5 star rating to this movie.

Good movies make me happy. People also don’t miss Saransh and Ek doctor ki Maut. Folks who only watch masala movies stay away as I really won’t like hearing some filthy abuses from your mouth after you have watched it!!!!

Wrote this blog just for the sake of writing!!!!!

People around me keep telling me that I should fall in love with somebody. They keep on telling me it’s high time to fall in love but they don’t understand my dilemma. The dilemma is:

I have girls who are after me but I am not after them. I have girls who are not after me but I am after them. Among these two categories of girls there is one special girl whom I have started liking and have written that in the blog named: Another Confession. People please hold on your nerves and be patient. Once there is any good news regarding love with this lass I will definitely let you all know. After all I am not in a competition with my ex-girlfriend right? :D :D

There is nothing new to write here. One week has passed and noting significant has happened in life. Yep in the mean while I came to know that SD madam’s beti miss DS is no more single. She got committed long back but revealed to me only a few days ago as she was feeling guilty as she has never hid any matter from me. Lollllzzzzzzzz

Well I think I should stop writing as I really don’t want to low the standards of my blogs with insignificant words that are of little influence in my life. People hope some good writing from me in my next blog (probably tomorrow).

Life, theatre, roles, responsibilites and all

Jindagi k is theatre me dekho chal rahi hai ek movie
Background music bhi hai ye mast thoda sa soft thoda groovy
Har shaksh paiadish k baad se har part apna hai nibha raha
Kiya gaya hai tay uska manjil andha wo chalta hi ja raha
Khamoshi hai sanson me aur dekho dhadkan bhi stabdh hain
Peele peele hothon me khile bol bhi kuchh nishabd hain
Lemme complete this poem dude varna cue kahin kho jayega
Dimag me chal rahi jo halchal kahin aur ghum ho jayega
Kyun rehte hain khamosh sada fir bhi yeh kitna kehte hain
Hothon pe lekar hasi ye log kyun julm ko sehte rehte hain
Kho gayi hai wo aawaj kahin jise subhash ne kabhi lalkara tha,
Hindustan me jeeta ek sikandar par jeetkar bhi wo hara tha
Pareshan hain with trivial matters n change ur country ki mang hai,
Chhote gadhdhon se darne wale lagana chahte uncha chhalang hain,
Kuchh kar dikhane ki chah hai bas aur chah hi wo reh jate hai,
Dimag aur dil k cross connection me himmat juta nahi pate hain,
Kisi aur ko kyun ho dekh rahe tum bhi culprits me shamil ho,
Jhanko khudme, analyse karo, ehsas karo khudke dil ko,
Ambitions, dreams n realty me kyun khud hi confuse ho jate ho?
Dinbhar to sochte rehte ho boss itna time kahan se pate ho?
Dete rehte sabko suggestion khud bhi kabhi to amal karo,
Dusron ko darane ki soch rahe, khud bhi to kabhi khud se hi daro,
What am I doing right now n why am I just doing it?
Just give a thought to lines above n let ur ignited minds be lit,
Kuchh naya karo, kuchh bhala karo apne roles ab khud hi likho,
Badlo kismat ki lakeeron ko, socho tum kam, karna seekho.
Jeevan k theatre me chalte hue movie ki disha ko badlo tum,
Don’t let your ideas go dull, pehchan kabhi hone na do ghum.

Another Confession!!!!!!

During the mid of February I met a girl online courtesy one of my best friends named Dentist and started chatting with her. She was kinda different from other stereotyped girls and these different lasses do make me interested in making friends with them. In the first conversations the first impression was that she is quite a feminist who thinks guys are silly and dumb. But after 5 months of togetherness with her, the first impression took a U turn and changed totally. This lass is one of the sweetest and best I have ever met. God has given everything in proportion to her. She is intelligent, caring, loving, friendly, humorous, understanding, good looking [photographs may be deceptive though ;-)]. She is one of the reasons for which I love orkutting as she is one of those better gifts Orkut has given to me. The best thing about her is her being a Gundi (to the true sense of term) and the freshness and positivism she carries with her. She is creative and her creativity can be witnessed through the brilliant paintings I saw and her ability of write poems. Now there are some qualities that can be modified like: she is short tempered like me, a bit careless and adventurous mostly when she is with her Scooty. There are some dissimilarities among various similarities that we share. Well probably because of this only some one has told: Variety is the spice of life!!

Why am I writing about her today in blog? Well really don’t know myself. But its worth knowing her I must say. A few are there with whom I feel comfortable talking to and she is one of them apart from Dentist, Jalim, Mr. Stun the Sun, Miss Pizza Hut and here in workplace my brother Ghatotkach. These people are real gems I have in life as friends and will be forever (I hope so).

Do I like her? Yes I do like her very much for all her qualities. I haven’t met her yet but would love to meet her soon. But as I have learnt in life take time to love people and make sure they are worth your love and you are theirs. So if anyone asks Do I love her? Probably there is some more time to be spent with her before answering this question. Who is she? Ahem Ahem, I guess if dentist reads this blog he will come to know but for other she is mystery, she is an illusion whom I don’t want to chase as I fear the more I chase the farther she might go!!!!! This is just a simple confession and let it be as simple as it can!!!!!

A confession!!!!

Monday was quite eventful as I got “less” salary that day and moreover lots of conflict with parents over my life insurance. Some days are meant to be clumsy and probably Monday was one of those days. Why I felt guilty was because I realized somewhere I hurt my parents again by those harsh words however less it were in those moments of excitement and tension when I realized that my dad had committed a blunder with the policy. I regretted a lot and called my dad at night. Here is how the conversation went:

Me: Hi Dad! You are awake still now. It’s nearly 11.30 pm
Dad: Yup kiddo I was about to sleep and you called me up.
Me: Dad what about mom? I guess she has slept already.
Dad: Yup she was not keeping well since evening. So slept quite early today.
Me: And she was not keeping well because of my phone call isn’t it? Why don’t you complete the sentence dad?
Dad: Nope beta! You know na she gets a little bit serious at times (my mother has chronic asthma by the way). Today evening onwards she had some breathing problems. Because of that she had her medicine and slept early. Don’t take it on you.
Me: For how many years will you shield the mistakes and the misbehaviors I have done at times with you people? I made you people sad by today’s reaction. Mom must have pondered on that incident for long and must have started suffering from hypertension. I know Dad I am the culprit and I really don’t want to hide from it.
Dad: Beta don’t think like that. Relax and go to sleep its all fine. Nothing serious. Your mother will be alright tomorrow morning.
Me: You people are God for me dad. In fact more than God as the Almighty also stops forgiving after a certain instance. But you people keep on forgiving your worthless son ever and ever. I am not able to react to your words dad. Any ways feeling quite a bit lighter at heart after talking to you. I wish I could talk to mom now. Chalo going to sleep. Good night.
Dad: Good night beta. Just relax and go to sleep. Everything is fine here. Don’t forget to take your glucose water tomorrow morning (My dad keeps on reminding me everyday and I keep on forgetting every other tomorrow).

I could not sleep even after talking to my dad. The pain of misbehaving and overreacting was eating me like anything. I reminded of my words I told to mom during evening. This is what I had told:

Mom you know Dad has committed a mistake while making a policy for me. The amount that he has agreed upon is just too much for me (later I realized it was not and I can pay that premium with ease). Tell him to cancel the cheque. That bugger (the agent) might be known to you people for ages but what am I interested in him is purely business and I just can’t stand that he convinced you people to go for that plan despite I saying no to it. My mood is pretty screwed up today because of that salary issue. Please correct this blunder at least otherwise if I take up the matters in my own hand things will get worse. (This is more or less the summary of what I had told to my mother).

I was drenched with sweat completely. It was 00.35 and I was wide awake. I felt the urgency of calling my father once again and talk to him. At 00.40 hours I give him a call and surprisingly he picks it up. Here is how the conversation went:

Me: Dad!!!! You are still awake? Is it anything serious?
Dad: No son! Your grandmother called few moments ago. So both of us are wide awake. Do you want to talk to your mother?
Me: Yes, very much so. Give the phone to mom.
(Mom picks up the cell and starts talking to me)
Mom: Haan beta tell. Why have you not slept till now? You have office tomorrow I suppose.
Me: Mom how can I sleep without my parents sleeping peacefully. I have troubled you a lot today evening. I don’t know why but at this point of time I am feeling sorry for that agent also. I think I misbehaved with him also over the phone (I was getting emotional).
Mom: No beta he told that you were talking quite maturely and you are too good in probing.
Me: That’s fine mom but somehow I have hurt you people right? Mom I know at the end of the day you people are also working for the same goal that I am working: i.e. I should have a better and happy future. You ask father to tell that person to keep the same policy and there is no need to change it. Just the thing that you people be happy and live peacefully. I know whatever you people have thought for me is good. No more probing about anything. I prefer to go for the policy for which dad has already paid the money. Please forgive me for my misbehavior during evening. I was a bit tensed because of so many things happening around me at that moment.
Mom (in a sad tone): Beta its nice to see that you have realized. Yes beta the way you told me that if you take matters in your hands things could be worse, really scared me. I felt bad and thought is it the same kid whom I have always taught to speak good things and do good works throughout his life.
Me: I am extremely sorry mom. I really never meant anything bad. Its because of your preaching I can never be bad though I am surrounded by so many chameleons around here.

I really don’t know whether I did good or bad at the end of the day. But there are something that are more important to me that earning profits and making meaningful investment. They are my parents and I can do anything for them!!!

first blog, first week, seventh month

This is the first blog of this month as well as the first one of this week. Well its now a known fact for me that D and I can’t stand together forget about getting along well and ending up becoming friends. What was wondering for me was the way AV defended D’s position before me. Well I do have lots of flaws while I speak to people, I get aggressive at times blah blah blah….I do agree to all of them but even after that I could clearly sense the bias AV had for D. I was stunned and speechless.

History has abundant evidence that all conflicts, clashes and controversies start up with a girl playing behind the scene. But getting biased towards someone and preaching the other person is definitely not the way matters get solved with the role of the other person is played by me. I think AV took me for granted somewhere though the flaws he pointed out are genuine but the cause behind pointing out this time was wrong!!!!

Apart from that it’s quite a usual week for me so far. The best part of the week was it was a 4 day week as Tuesday was by default a holiday because of the heavy showers. The workload was not at all heavy which is slowly giving me a feeling that I am doing nothing in this organization and will end up being an NPA after a year!!!

Signing off with a hope that the Weekend will be nice!!!!!

Hey all,
Being Very Optimistic.....wishing all the sloggers who slog for a 5 day week be it anywhere and in any kind of corporate atmosphere.....wish you all a NICE AND CHERISHING WEEKEND HOLIDAYS. Those who still have to slog their A** out in offices or even from house.....TOUGH LUCK.....be optimistic..good times are ahead waiting for you. :-)

The remaining part of the conversation and the takeaways!!!!

And now the remaining part of the conversation that went on unfinished yesterday. Here is how it went:

At night PD calls up and wants to talk to me. By that time I was pretty clear how to direct it, the time was enough (nearly a 3 hour gap between both the conversations) to organize my thoughts and words. So here is how it goes:

PD: Hi have you returned back home?
Me (In a very tired voice and not in a mood to talk): Yes, finally at home after a wonderful trip.
PD: Hmmmm, so can we talk now? I can’t keep on smiling and be happy and need to talk to you.
Me: Ok go ahead, tell whatever you want to speak.
PD: Are you tired? You sound a bit dull today. (lolllzzz… I don’t understand why people keep on asking silly questions)
Me: I am fine. You just go ahead.
PD: Yes. I was telling I am very happy. Finally my life is going the way I wanted it to go. I have started focusing on my career and my personal life is also getting into a way where everything will be harmonious. Aren’t you happy hearing that my mother and dreamt of the same thing? (the same thing is marrying me…..lollllllzzzzz)
Me: Well what I feel is not so important at this point of time. Tell me have you talked to SH? (SH is her boyfriend, and both of them are committed, I seriously doubt where do I come in the picture then?)
PD: Yes I have talked. He started crying as soon as I told him regarding the conversation between me and mom. He was pleading you know that he should be given one chance and he will definitely prove him before my parents.
Me: So still after that you feel happy regarding the news?
PD: I am happy because of the fact that I and my mother think so much similar regarding my marriage. But I feel sorry for SH.
Me: See PD one thing should be clear. One can’t keep on adopting middle path. Time has come to take a call. You know he loves you so much, even after that how could you think otherwise? Either you leave him and then think about getting committed to others which is the last thing I would suggest to anybody. Else stick with him and show commitment in the relationship. As far as I am concerned I am not at all desperate to get a girl friend neither am I very eager to get married at this stage of life. I firmly believe the voice of my parents is also very much similar regarding this matter. So please stop getting so happy about trifle things. One more thing be a little bit more decisive about matters. Think what you want from your life and act like that. You are committed to somebody else then how can you think of getting married to somebody else even before giving a try to find out how your parents find SH. Personally I hate people who can’t take decisions properly. Again it’s not about what I like or dislike rather its about how can you make your life better. I hope I have conveyed my message without hurting you.
PD: I understand whatever you have told and will definitely practice them. By the way are you not happy about the news?
Me: In one harsh word, No. Things should not go the way one wants to take always. Rather events should find their way to happen in our life at a proper time and in a proper manner. PD I was sentimental and an emotional guy but that Soum has died somewhere. Life has taught me a lot in harder ways, most of the time me taking a toll of whatever happens around me. Gone are those days now. I am very particular about what I need from life and I plan for short term goals. As in my short term goals marriage is nowhere I must not give a thought to this matter. Yes I would love to get a girlfriend whom I marry later in my life, but again there as you are already committed to somebody else you are definitely not in picture. So better don’t be so happy rather think out ways to reveal the truth to your parents: The truth that you are committed to somebody else!!!!! Have I made myself clear PD?
PD (After a short silence): Yes Soum you have. Thanks for your advice. You have changed for good. Keep it up.
Me: Thanks. Any ways I need to move as I have to leave for my di’s house. Catch you later. Have a nice day. Bye.
PD: Bye.

I realize that I have become a bit harsh but telling the words at a proper time and to a proper person resolves conflicts most of the times, rather conflicts don’t even arise. I have always been a wonderful counselor when it comes to others. I found that the quality is getting honed day by day. Moreover my reach on the subjects on which I can counsel people is getting wider with every passing day. Good Soum……keep it up. Never fear to tell the truth and KISS in you conversation. (KISS: Keep it straight and simple).

Possessive about possessions - That's the way I am!!!

I sold out my old CDMA cell (well 3 month old things can be called old aren’t they?) and bought a new Samsung Max. Since purchasing it I have been constantly going on admiring it and discovering new features about the cell every other second. Yup I am childish when it comes to my possessions especially new ones. I try my best to keep them look like new ones as long as I can. I really don’t know whether it’s good or bad but this is the way I am and don’t want to change my habits for anyone’s sake!!!!!

Things keep on happening around me!!!!

Well first things first: The trip to Matheran was amazing. There were some incidents that should not have happened (like me calling D sick, though I wanted to tell something different but that particular word came out of my mouth). Lots of snaps were shot: the silent evidences that talk louder than anything else and take us back in the memory lane even after the trip would have fazed out of our mind.

I haven’t written for quite sometime (may be 4-5 days since my last blog was updated). Lots of significant happenings happen around me. Some are more significant while other are less significant. In the mean time I was able to track 2 more chameleons among the so called friends here among the MTs. Now days they don’t surprise me rather it feels as if it is unnatural if I don’t spot a few at a place.

Now coming to some important conversations. On my trip to Matheran suddenly someone chipku friend calls me up. Lets call her PD for instance. Now here is how the conversation goes:

PD: hello dear how r u?
Me: hey I am fine…. Wassup after so many days? Everything is fine na? (this bugger calls me up whenever anything is wrong in her life, mostly caused by her useless boyfriend).
PD: Yes absolutely fine, I have called you to give a stunning news. Today mom called me up and told me that they (her parents) have a cherished dream of seeing her getting married to me!!!! I told u na that I loved you so much but could never tell you and always had a dream of getting married to you. I think now life is going in the right track.
Me (absolute stunned, confused and not getting any word to utter): What????? Yeah I do remember u told me something like that somedays back. Well how all this happened and why did aunty tell such a thing to you today???
PD: well your mother made a visit to my house and discussed about us, more about what you like and dislike about girls. My mother got a hint and invited your parents for a lunch party. She (her mom) told me that any day that guy tells you about marrying you don’t say no. Ah, I am so happy that my cherished dream is coming true.
Me (absolutely speechless): Well….Ummmm…….there is some signal problem here. I am not able to hear you properly. Can I talk to you after I have reached home?????

The remaining part of the conversation in the next blog!!! Let the suspense remain!!!!

Strange things happen around you turning insignificant days into significant ones!!!!

Some days go just insignificant. Today was one such day of my life. There is nothing worth for which I can feel any sense of achievement today. Moreover feeling a little bit guilty as I whiled away most of the times today doing nothing in the office. I can sense a complacency getting developed inside me. I hate this complacency as it decreases my efficiency. So the best thing to do is to hit back from tomorrow morning once again with full vengeance. I smell danger whenever I feel like “yes Soum you are working very well”. Sometimes I feel when it comes to work there should not be anything that is WELL in my dictionary. That’s when I can match my hidden potential and work the best.

Now it’s time for some strange incidents. Yesterday one of the management trainees residing with us in the same apartment [different flat although :-)] comes to my house and enquires about my cell phone. I have a Nokia 2505 CDMA with me which has served quite well. But again there is something that people say is: farther the things, merrier they look. Hence, despite my cell serving so well I was tempted to try out the one that is used by most of my fellow MTs, Samsung Explore. We ended up in a healthy negotiation of swapping our phones (lots of swapping happening off late in my life in such diverse domains like phone, project stints lolllzzzz, hope better swapping to come my way J) and did that. I was happy with his one though it had some scratches and the color had faded at some parts.

Today morning the bugger calls up and tells that the Samsung people will replace the set and he will give me a new Samsung Explore and take this old one from me. I was a little skeptical with the proposal as I sensed something fishy getting cooked up in that bugger’s mind. Now around 3 o’ clock a call comes from the bugger telling me that the battery of my Nokia set is not that good and its not helping him out as he has to make long calls and lots of calls during a day. That bastard shows interest in changing our handsets once again i.e. taking back our respective original phones with us. That’s all I wanted to share. Now readers analyze this!!!!! I hate people who make a decision and can’t stand with it. I hate myself too for feeling the farther the field is the greener it looks!!!!!!!

When I feel nothing at heart, my brain starts working!!!!

A goes to Delhi, B his GF wants to go to Delhi. Looks like quite obvious thing ain’t it? But there is a problem. The problem was whether I will agree to swap my project with B and give her my Delhi stint or not. Though she never knows it but I have identified her as one of the a**h*les present here, one of the chameleons I was referring in yesterdays blog. Looks like an Ekta Kapoor’s K soap eh? Will S agree to swap his stint with B? Will B be able to go Delhi with her a**h*le boyfriend? Lots of questions ain’t it?

Two ethical principles guided my decision in this regard. First one: Greater good for a larger population and second one: Ends justify means. Well a third one can also be put here, my own one: when I don’t consider one as my friend then the only thing that goes on in my mind is: BUSINESS.

B has the dream stint I always wanted to get: Marketing Communications or Marcomm as called here in TCL. So the deal seems valid to me: B gives me Marcomm and in exchange I give her Delhi. Hope now the higher authority (read HR guys) does not make a mountain out of a mole and help us with this swap. Moreover in this whole swapping process I will be totally latent with only A and B coming in the picture. I will only come in picture if its needed for my good. Any ways I will never get another fool who will want to exchange a Marcomm profile for a Channel Sales. So for me grab the opportunity as it comes!!!!

Chameleons everywhere, they change their color so fast!!!

Today was a significant day for me. Thanks to somebody today I could find out some Chameleons out here among my so called friends in Tata Communications. I just don’t understand what is the problem of these bastards, why can’t they just speak their hearts out? These buggers behave so good before that idiots like me get into the trap of believing them and end up being a prey of them. They spread rumors, do a lot of vague talking behind you so that people who have not even interacted with you feel like you are actually the same way they portray you to them. Guys do it nicely but even girls after getting so friendly to me, caring so much for so many days – shit man how can they do it yaar. This bunch of losers actually makes me feel that nobody is trustable in this world apart from your parents. Value, ethics, and judgment all these words get ashamed of because of such a behavior of them. And what an irony!!! These people work under the TATA group – one of the most ethical and morally upright groups doing business in this world.

Whom to trust? Whom to consider your friend here in this ugly corporate world? I feel like hitting all of them and making this country a little bit more bastard free. But just can’t help it. These people are there everywhere, they are like VODAFONE – wherever you go their network follows. Today its me tomorrow it will be another Soum.

One thing is clear that the frolic, lively Soum has to be non existent. I have to change for good, otherwise these a**h*les will make my living even more unworthy here. I feel like an idiot who have been fooled by people day after day. I feel like an optimistic bastard who never stops trusting people despite getting hurt due to their dual nature of existence. Time has come to teach them a lesson!!!!

My life and the words unsaid to all!

I did put on my thinking cap and brooded over the lost relationship one more time. But believe it or not every time I thought about the broken relationship, the more committed I wanted to be - for the lady who has left me only with one last promise to be kept forever.....a promise of never coming back. How is life after that? He he its nice actually........waiting for phone calls that are never made, waiting for someone to take care of mine sitting several hundred miles away from me which does not happen these days, waiting for someone to all and ask to sing her favorite songs and ending up singing those songs for my loneliness, brooding over my past happy days and thinking about those crucial points in the relationship where I had made mistakes....yes now I think only had I not made any mistake nothing worse would have happened after all no one can clap with a single hand right!!!! I don't regret any more for them because first of all no use......its very very filmy that you repent for something wrong and everything becomes alright. In real life you are really lucky if you get a second chance........be it anything! Often in life you never get a second chance.

Well people told me to move on in life after all that is what all should do. I listened to them and moved on in life. Did a few adventures and misadventures with love but every time I did that there was something inside that used to tell me I am committing another mistake to hide the previous mistakes and at the end of the day I ended up deleting all the new made net friends in rediffbol, avoiding some of my then good friends (girls obviously) who quite surprisingly to my assumption were interested in me [Well its my assumption......I might be wrong ;-)]. In the mean time I moved up in life, penned several lyrics and poems, made some good friends and lost them at some point of time, saw best of my days here in b school, gave a thought to my old school of thought and found me more accepting and accommodating with thoughts and philosophies of Rishabh (Surprisingly Yes it is TRUE). I even bagged a placement - yes in every respect I moved ahead in life. I smiled every time i felt like crying, I dreamed I every time I was about to see another nightmarish day, I loved my life every time I felt no one loves me, I tried to get attracted to lady every time I remembered her - and believe me I was successful in all these endeavors except for one thing..........every time I wanted go away the more I ended up loving her. I don't know how many people will believe these words of mine but probably this is one of the occasions of my life where I have been so candid.

I have moved ahead in every aspect so far in life except for one thing love!!!! If lust were everything in love I probably would have moved ahead easily (rather there would not have had any stuff like moving ahead at all) but the beauty of love is that lust has nothing to do with it. I dream of success, I work for it and I will achieve all that are achievable in life except for a thing - I may not be able to love anyone in my life again. Apart from that long live dreams and aspirations. Long live to the dreams and aspirations of every single creature in this world. One more thing next time you go for a break up people please think of whether the 1000 reasons for which you are breaking up are strong enough to counter the fact that you love her/him. Hope she stays happy throughout her life with her new found and everlasting love :-).

I do remember of these lyrics from the movie Veer Zaara - a classic love story which describe me very well:

Jaane Kyun, Khwaabon Ka Mausam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Mausam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Jaane Kyun, Yaadon Ki Shabnam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Shabnam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Yaadein, Laayi Hain, Khushiyaan Bhi, Aansoo Bhi

Jaane Kyun, Ik Aisa Sangam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Sangam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Barse Jo Rang Itne Saare, Rangeen Huwe Sab Nazaare

Lekin Mera Dil Kahin Bhi, Lagta Nahin Bin Tumhaare

Tumko, Bas Tumko, Dil Dhhoondhhe Dil Maange

Jaane Kyun, Har Lamha Ye Sitam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Ye Sitam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Jaane Kyun, Khwaabon Ka Mausam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Mausam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Ye Vaadi Ab So Gayi Hai, Kohre Mein Hi Kho Gayi Hai

Saari Fiza Saans Roke, Gumsum Si Ab Ho Gayi Hai

Saari, Duniya Mein, Ab Koyi Nahin Jaise

Jaane Kyun, Bas Mera Hamdam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Hamdam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Jaane Kyun, Yaadon Ki Shabnam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Shabnam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Yaadein, Laayi Hain, Khushiyaan Bhi, Aansoo Bhi

Jaane Kyun, Ik Aisa Sangam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Sangam Hai, Aur Main Hoon

Hope you got bored after reading this he he ;-)

TaArE ZaMeEn PaR!!!!!!!!

I never thought I will end up writing about a movie in my blog. But TARE ZAMEEN PAR deserved to break that promise. Every time in life I faced a problem or I got hurt by someone I used to think that I am the most unlucky person of this world. I used to feel dejected, lost and finished. Its another facet of my life that I being an optimistic person don't take lessons from the deceptions and continue believing on people further to get hurt more and more. But that is not the agenda to describe how I am what I want to tell is that after watching TARE ZAMEEN PAR I recollected whether I ever got humiliated like this in life and could not recall any single moment in my life. I felt painless for there are people around me who even after getting so much of wrath and pain in life fight back with incredible guts and succeed in life. Eeshan Awasthi was just another character sketch of such persona. So was Ram Nikumbh the teacher who helped to bring back the original Eeshan who was lost in the peer pressure and the family pressure - the pressure that grasps the originality of a lots of kids which we the educated ones call the rat race of competition.

Yeah I was sad till tomorrow, I always used to think like a deprived one as I lost someone special, I always thought as if I am deceived and neglected but not today for I have seen people who never got any option other than getting deceived, getting lost, getting neglected and getting deprived not only by these mere mortals surviving the fierce competition in this earth rather sometimes even by the God! The Almighty himself/herself ( actually not very particular about the gender of God! Hope The Almighty excuses me for that).

Wasting energy and time on something that never deserved both is cowardice - its only because we feel scared about our future and love to live with our past. The result is we ruin our present without even understanding that. And the time we realise this our present becomes our past and our future becomes our present - the same future about which we feared to think someday. After watching TARE ZAMEEN PAR I believe life is gifted to us to do something worthy in life. People around you don't even have the basic necessities of life and you dream of getting all that you aspire/ desire. Life is about giving a look at them those deprived ones who also have the same right of having all comforts in life but the situation they are in does not allow them to do so. We crib because we don't get our share of brain work for the day, we don't get a sudoku to solve or for that reason because despite having brain we don't want to solve the problems of life.....think about them who want to face all the questions, troubles, puzzles and problems bravely but are deprived of a sound and thinking brain that is needed to do so!!! We shied out from OUTBOUND think about them who want to climb mountain but were deprived from having legs. We want to get separated from parents isn't it? Hold on a second guys - just think about those orphans who die to call someone his or her dad and mom someday and die with such wishes being not fulfilled (Plenty of examples please get some time out from partying and having fun and do visit an orphanage). You cry because someone left you they don't even have anyone to leave them - so tell me are you more neglected or they?

This is what is going in my mind for the last 24 hours and I do pray to God to keep this facts rolling in my mind. Yes till now in my life I have been among one of those mortals who used to crib about being neglected, deprived and deceived but TARE ZAMEEN PAR changed the attitude. After all why to watch a movie that can't shake your inner sense and does not entertain you? The movie succeed to entertain us with the emotional crunch it has given (many of my pals here have shed tears watching the movie). Yes the concept of movie making in India is changing and as I told in the last line the movie has indeed succeed to create impact. Its now to see how much we succeed to carry forward the food for thought that is provided by this SPLENDID MOVIE.

What more guys? TARE ZAMEEN PAR rocks!!!!!!!!!!!

a fresh start to be the complete manager

Last year was one of the most eventful years I had in my life. A mixed kind of year that showed me both the highs and the lows possible in my life. Someone special left me in such a way only to make me realise that she will never come back. The making of the Zorro song, working for BrandScan as a PL, getting placements, struggle in forming study groups and amidst all that slowly but surely i adapted myself to the surroundings something that i failed to do last year!!!!!! Confidence once again became my one of the best buddies and I came back to my normal self - someone that I was prior to 26th june 2005. The outlook changed though the inherent values and morals remaining the very old and the same :-)

Emotions had always played a big role in my life. I am quite a bit emotional but the so called "failure to handle a relationship" helped me to learn a lot of things. With passage of time the emotional quotient in my life took a backstage making out a more practical and determined soul of me. Thanks to all of them who supported me during that time - to my parents, my best buddies and all the strangers who even after knowing almost nothing about my life gave some of their precious time and words.

A new dawn started right from the day I entered back in this campus. But realization of it took quite sometime. This is me and this is my life and always there can be a better tomorrow for me provided I make the best out of the today I am living. That's exactly what I am doing and will strive to do. Thorns are their and without them never has a rose blossomed. So I accept them as a part n parcel of my life. So are the backbiters, morons and losers who only know how to make fun of others (I call them a bunch of bloody idiots who failed somewhere in their life and are always a lookout for some other failures in somebody else's life). These people will be there everywhere and You have to walk along with them yet distinctly ahead and noticeable. This is the biggest lesson that I have learnt from these 2 years in this B School. May be realization of this fact only makes us better managers there by completing the theme THE COMPLETE MANAGER. Life has always been a learning journey though most of the things learnt in the hard way. But this is the way I am surviving all the difficult tests so far and working to survive the highly uncertain future!!!!!!!1